


which is easier, avoiding getting falsely arrested for arson or getting adopted

by Anonymous



Series: of endermen and snow [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Foster Care, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, Insomniac Ranboo, Insomniac Technoblade, Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Slow Build, Technoblade is Bad at Feelings (Video Blogging RPF), Texting, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues, and illegal things that are kept on the down low for a while, anyway, before i make everything too complicated, chatfic, everyone is human, for later :), for plot purposes of course, phil isn't a bad dad but wilbur is his only actual son, slow burn adoption, some crime, sorry i love hybrids too but i just need the simplicity, techno is his roommate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29212704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Big Crime changed ranboo’s name to memory boyBig Crime: theremuch bettermemory boy: is this because i forgot your name thirty seconds after you told me because i apologized for that
Relationships: Badboyhalo & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Sam | Awesamdude, Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Wilbur Soot & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone
Series: of endermen and snow [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100597
Comments: 643
Kudos: 2154
Collections: Anonymous





	1. that time when you’re friend-adopted by a terrifying extrovert and his equally chaotic friend because of a group project

**Author's Note:**

> people say chatfics are cringe or something but i think they’re actually interesting studies in writing dialogue, voice, and tone through messages
> 
> and also they’re fun

_A MAN created the chat WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

_A MAN added Big Crime and ranboo to the chat_

_Monday 15:35 - WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

A MAN: ranboo why is your name so boring

ranboo: sorry???

_Big Crime changed ranboo’s name to memory boy_

Big Crime: there  
much better

memory boy: is this because i forgot your name thirty seconds after you told me because i apologized for that

A MAN: you do apologize an awful lot big man

memory boy: anyway about that assignment

Big Crime: i see you have chosen deflection 

A MAN: WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE MYTHOLOGY  
MR GARCIA IS TARGETING ME I SWEAR  
WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS

Big Crime: lol

A MAN: THIS IS NOT FUNNY BIG T  
IT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL  
I AM DISOWNING YOU

Big Crime: bet

memory boy: im going to take a wild guess and assume you dont like mythology

A MAN: now whatever gave you that idea

memory boy: oh i don’t know, the chat name, the screaming  
take your pick

Big Crime: good thing new kid has sass  
wouldn’t survive tommy without it

A MAN: SAY THAT TO MY FACE

Big Crime: eh

memory boy: so are we doing this group project or

A MAN: WHY THESUES OF ALL PEOPLE I’VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM  
WHY NOT LIKE HERCULES EVERYONE KNOWS THAT GUY

memory boy: maybe that’s why not hercules

A MAN: SHUT UP I HATE YOU

memory boy: understandable have a nice day

Big Crime: tommyyyyy  
be nice to new kid

memory boy: yeah tommy be nice to me

A MAN: NICE IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY  
I DO HOWEVER KNOW A LOT OF BAD WORDS AND I WILL USE ALL OF THEM AT YOU AND THAT IS A THREAT  
oh actually wait  
ranboo

memory boy: ...yes?

A MAN: what is the worst word you know

memory boy: yknow, we have a week until the assignment is due, so im just gonna

_memory boy has left the chat_

Big Crime: TOMMY YOU SCARED HIM AWAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a buffer of maybe three chapters but after that lol who knows how quick i'll be able to write this


	2. that time when your classmates know a celebrity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Crime: ranboo  
> be ready to die  
> tommy you know what to do

_Monday 19:02 - WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

A MAN: TUBBO I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA

Big Crime: GIVE IT TO ME BIG MAN

A MAN: so you know who knows more about all this mythology stuff than anyone else?

Big Crime: surely you’re joking  
you want to add the blade?

A MAN: yesssss the blade  
he cannot say no to me

Big Crime: i am very sure he can, tommy

A MAN: philza minecraft would be very disappointed in him

Big Crime: philza minecraft is a force of chaos and probably would side with techno, statistically speaking

_memory boy has entered the chat_

memory boy: …  
so just reading up  
when you say “the blade”  
do you mean like  
THE blade?  
technoblade?

A MAN: YESSS THE BLADE

Big Crime: you’re not even going to comment on the fact we know philza minecraft? just techno?

memory boy: to be perfectly honest i have no clue who that other guy is  
but i’ve watched all of technoblade’s fencing tournaments  
god if i could watch one of them in person i could die happy  
and you KNOW him???

Big Crime: ranboo  
be ready to die  
tommy you know what to do

memory boy: tubbo what do you mean

A MAN: you’ve got it my friend

memory boy: tommy what are you doing  
tommy

_A MAN has added THE BLADE to the chat_

A MAN: hello technoblade my brother

THE BLADE: we are not even slightly related  
why am I here tommy

Big Crime: I’m sure you could figure it out if you looked at the chat name

THE BLADE: your sass is not appreciated tubbo  
what makes you think i’ll help you

Big Crime: we have a secret weapon

THE BLADE: oh?  
color me curious

A MAN: so is pink the color of curiosity then

THE BLADE: I will not hesitate to end you, Tommy Innit.

A MAN: noted  
anyway ranboo come say hi

Big Crime: ranbooooo come on

memory boy: you are both idiots and i hate you  
please mr blade just leave the chat and pretend this never happened

THE BLADE: how are you their secret weapon?

memory boy: guys if you say anything i will literally perish  
on the spot  
i’ll just have a heart attack and die

A MAN: ranboo here’s a huge fanboy

Big Crime: he’s watched all of your tournaments

A MAN: he doesn’t even know who philza minecraft is

memory boy: please  
i’m begging you

THE BLADE: how is a fan supposed to be your secret weapon?  
in case you haven’t noticed, i have a lot of those

memory boy: see, exactly  
it is perfectly fine, mr blade, you can go  
these two shouldn’t have bothered you  
i’m sure you are very busy and have lots of important people stuff to do

A MAN: you type very quickly when you are panicked ranboo

Big Crime: maybe we should get you to panic during assignments more often  
increase production speed by 1000x

memory boy: please don’t  
mr blade would you be willing to end my suffering  
i don’t want to be here anymore

THE BLADE: i only kill orphans and people who irritate me

memory boy: well i am at least one of those things please end me

A MAN: BUT RANBOO WE NEED YOU FOR THE MYTHOLOGY PROJECT

Big Crime: and if techno doesn’t help us you’re the only one who actually pays attention in class!

THE BLADE: ah, so they’re using you

memory boy: please mr blade  
i am suffering

THE BLADE: unfortunately phil’s dad senses seem to be in working order because he just shouted across the house that i’m not allowed to kill any kids at the moment

memory boy: he doesn’t even have to know

A MAN: I WILL SNITCH  
DO NOT KILL MY PROJECT PARTNER TECHNOBLADE  
JUST TELL US WHO THESEUS IS

THE BLADE: you have access to the internet

Big Crime: you have more information than the internet

THE BLADE: you know what  
i’ll help  
but only for ranboo

memory boy: thank you mr blade but you really don’t need to

A MAN: SHUT UP RANBOO THIS IS GOING TO BE A MILLION TIMES EASIER

THE BLADE: well if ranboo doesn’t want me to there’s really no reason to

Big Crime: TAKE IT BACK RANBOO

A MAN: YES TELL HIM YOU WANT HIS HELP

Big Crime: RANBOO WE NEED THIS GRADE

memory boy: OKAY OKAY  
mr blade sir if it is not too much trouble can you please help us but you don’t have to if you don’t want to

THE BLADE: because you asked politely  
and because your name is not tommy innit or tubbo underscore  
sure

Big Crime: i am feeling some major shade right now

A MAN: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TUBBO TAKE THAT BACK  
AND I AM THE BEST I AM THE BIGGEST MAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN

THE BLADE: next time you visit with wilbur you won’t get any of phil’s cookies

A MAN: I am very sorry Technoblade.  
Please forgive me.

THE BLADE: hm  
i’ll think about it  
but ranboo if you ever get dragged along with these hooligans i’m sure phil would let you have a cookie

_THE BLADE removed themself from the chat_

A MAN: that was blatant favoratism  
he doesn’t even know you

memory boy: is this a fever dream  
am i dying  
was that really technoblade or some elaborate prank

Big Crime: i guess you’ll just have to meet him to find out!  
and when he eventually arranges a study group to help us out you’ll get to!  
:)

_memory boy has left the chat_

A MAN: WHO SCARED HIM OFF THIS TIME HUH


	3. you’ll have friends whether you want them or not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A MAN: ranboo do you even have friends besides us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: user list because someone asked very nicely
> 
>  _you'll never leave :)_  
>  death to orphans - techno  
> man me a sand - wilbur  
> POGCHAMP - tommy  
> bees tho - tubbo  
> dudududu - dream  
> pls let me sleep - george  
> arsonist - sapnap  
> future landlord - schlatt  
> cupcake w knife - niki  
> abandoned timeline - karl  
> who are you people - ranboo
> 
> bad, skeppy, eret, fundy, and sam are also in this chat they're just not online rn

_Tuesday 12:11 - WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

A MAN: ranboo do you even have friends besides us

Big Crime: little blunt there big t

A MAN: but seeing him sitting alone at lunch is all sorts of upsetting tubbo

memory boy: we’re friends???

A MAN: why would i associate with you otherwise 

memory boy: because mr garcia told you to?  
you’ve known me for literally a day 

Big Crime: we are very much friends  
you will never get rid of us

A MAN: hey tubbo that gives me the most brilliant idea

Big Crime: you’ll never leave?

A MAN: you’ll never leave

memory boy: guys what are you talking about

Big Crime: :)

memory boy: Fear

_Tuesday 12:34 - you’ll never leave :)_

_POGCHAMP added memory boy to the chat_

POGCHAMP: WELCOME TO HELL RANBOO

memory boy: oh god spare me

death to orphans: ah, the secret weapon

memory boy: tommy what have you done

man me a sand: ooo, new blood pog?

dudududu: whomst

cupcake w knife: a new person! hello!

abandoned timeline: i don’t need to know the future to say run while you can

arsonist: karl it’s less fun when you warn them :(

abandoned timeline: sorry sap but my gut told me to warn the kid

arsonist: i mean your gut is usually right so i’ll let it slide this time

abandoned timeline: :)

memory boy: i’m just gonna

_memory boy changed their name to who are you people_

who are you people: there

who are you people: also why am i here

pls let me sleep: to suffer

arsonist: GEORGE

pls let me sleep: you know i’m right  
i’m not dealing with this rn

_pls let me sleep left the chat_

POGCHAMP: THESE ARE YOUR NEW FRIENDS RANBOO

who are you people: do they come with a receipt 

death to orphans: this kid is growing on me

bees tho: see ranboo! you’re already becoming friends with the blade! :)

death to orphans: like a fungus

who are you people: if this is true as a maybe-friend can you release me from life

death to orphans: as we are not friends i have to say no

who are you people: please mr blade

dudududu: HE CALLS YOU MR BLADE?

death to orphans: it appears he does

dudududu: i love that an unholy amount  
hey mr blade do you want to fight me

death to orphans: only if you never call me that again

dudududu: deal

who are you people: oh, would you like me to call you something else?

death to orphans: nah youre fine kid

man me a sand: what is this i see… a soft techno mayhaps?

death to orphans: Wilbur Soot. 

man me a sand: oh would you look at the time i need to take friend on a walk talk later bye

_man me a sand has left the chat_

death to orphans: that’s what i thought 

who are you people: can i do that

bees tho: no

who are you people: :(

death to orphans: i dunno tubbo  
he might be able to pull off ominous punctuation better than you

who are you people: i meant leaving but thank you mr blade

dudududu: oh well the answer is no then  
you’ve seen the chat name 

abandoned timeline: sorry to say but he’s right

arsonist: we’re cool tho so it’s chill

who are you people: says the man whose user is literally arsonist 

future landlord: he’s got you there

arsonist: jfc schlatt where did you come from

future landlord: i’ve been here the whole time  
just sitting and eating my popcorn  
hey kid do you have opinions on lawns

who are you people: as i have not had one i have not had a chance to form an opinion so no

cupcake w knife: You will stop there, Schlatt, before I find you. 

future landlord: yes ma’am 

who are you people: thanks?

cupcake w knife: no problem ranboo :)

bees tho: tommy i think this is one of our better plans

POGCHAMP: you know i have to agree with you there tubbo  
i can tell this is going to be the start of many glorious friendships

who are you people: you know what actually i need to  
feed my cat  
bye

_who are you people has left the chat_

bees tho: damn it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha im so sleep deprived but chatfic go brrrr amiright


	4. when the new kid is a cryptid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> future landlord: new kid, opinions on crime
> 
> who are you people: uh  
> no comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _you'll never leave :)_  
>  death to orphans - techno  
> man me a sand - wilbur  
> POGCHAMP - tommy  
> bees tho - tubbo  
> dudududu - dream  
> pls let me sleep - george  
> arsonist - sapnap  
> future landlord - schlatt  
> cupcake w knife - niki  
> abandoned timeline - karl  
> who are you people - ranboo  
> swear and i murk you - bad  
> heck - skeppy  
> nook - sam  
> sovereign - eret
> 
>  _sleep hates us_ (name is longest record of not sleeping, usually in hours)  
> 48 - wilbur  
> 50 - techno  
> 63 - dream  
> 18 - eret  
> week - ranboo

_Wednesday 00:13 - you’ll never leave :)_

dudududu: techno, you awake?

death to orphans: wrong chat nerd

who are you people: why are you both awake?

death to orphans: i could ask you the same question

who are you people: you may have a point

dudududu: and with that i am going to assume the question will remain unanswered by everybody

death to orphans: ranboo are you a regular insomniac

who are you people: um… yes?

_Wednesday 00:17 - sleep hates us_

_50 added who are you people to the chat_

50: welcome  
change your name to the number of hours you’ve been awake the longest

who are you people: uh  
one sec let me do the math

_who are you people changed their name to 174_

174: like that?

63: how  
how long is that

174: a week and six hours

_63 changed 174’s name to week_

week: ???

48: don’t question dream  
i’ve found it doesn’t do any good

50: hallo wil

48: hey tech

63: is their highness awake too?

48: nah, i think eret’s actually sleeping well for once

50: eh, who needs sleep anyway

48: are we just going to brush over ranboo apparently being awake for over a week tho or

week: staying up for days on end isn’t actually as difficult as you’d think

50: that makes it sound intentional

week: well, it kinda was

50: that is not comforting

week: wasn’t really meant to be?

50: … 

48: anyway, what’s everyone’s reasons tonight?

63: had a late go around the ring

50: lost track of time and caffeine intake so my desk is covered in books and empty coffee cups

48: regular insomnia for me  
just couldn’t sleep  
and you ranboo?

week: wait, are you man me a sand in the other chat

48: yes, yes i am  
i’m very proud of that name

50: you eat sand  
that isn’t something to be proud of

48: you’re just teaming up on me with dad  
i don’t have to listen to you

50: i could just go get phil right now  
he literally lives a room away from me

48: but then you’d out yourself as being awake

50: he’s not my dad he can’t tell me what to do

48: i am an entirely grown up man he can’t boss me around

50: bet

63: god i wish i had popcorn right now

48: i can dm george and sapnap dream  
don’t test me

week: are you all always this chaotic

63: yes

50: yes

48: yes

week: well then  
i think i’ll uh  
try sleeping again

_week left the chat_

48: wait he never answered the question  
what was he doing awake?  
doesn’t he have class tomorrow?

50: if there’s anything i’ve learned about ranboo in the day i’ve known of him  
he’s very good at dodging questions

48: hm  
well, he has a point about trying to sleep

63: as if i’m going to

48: tell george and sapnap good night for me dream

63: wait no

50: tell phil good night for me wil

48: you literally live in the same house as him

50: any askers?

_50 has left the chat_

_Wednesday 6:47 - you’ll never leave :)_

nook: tommy who is this new person and why were they awake in the middle of the night 

sovereign: what, trying to beat phil in speedrunning child adoption sam?

nook: no

foxy: mmmm why you lyin

nook: no

who are you people: see username

nook: foxy is fundy and sovereign is eret  
fundy’s a student at the college half of us attend  
and eret is eret no one knows what they do but there’s bets on whether or not it’s illegal  
i’m sam, a friend of dream’s and one of the only people in this chat with brain cells most of the time

who are you people: then why are you asking tommy about my sleeping habits i’ve only known him since monday

nook: oh  
ranboo i am so sorry you’ve been roped into this without actually knowing anyone

foxy: aw, don’t be like that sam  
we’re amazing  
a big happy family

man me a sand: very correct, son

foxy: again, wilbur, you’re not my father

who are you people: being thrown into dysfunctional families without prior info isn’t that unfamiliar so i think i’ll be good but thanks sam

swear and i murk you: that’s actually concerning 

who are you people: sometimes it be that way

swear and i murk you: but it shouldn’t?

heck: morning bad!!

swear and i murk you: morning skeppy!

nook: and those are bad and skeppy, the only other person with consistent brain cells and the one with the least

heck: hey

dudududu: “only other person” sam?

nook: i also said consistent  
you’re literally a street fighter dream

dudududu: so? i’m good at it

nook: and it’s illegal 

future landlord: new kid, opinions on crime

who are you people: uh  
no comment

future landlord: don’t be boring

who are you people: i was not aware self-preservation was boring

dudududu: it is tho  
can’t parkour with self-preservation at any rate

who are you people: in my experience that is a false statement

man me a sand: are you perhaps implying previous experience with parkour ranboo?

who are you people: ...no comment

man me a sand: :(

who are you people: no don’t look at me like that

man me a sand: :(((

dudududu: :’(

who are you people: okay define “previous”

death to orphans: existing or occuring before in time or order

who are you people: exclusively before or

dudududu: are you implying you currently parkour because if so  
dibs

future landlord: no wait you can’t dibs him it hasn’t been a week yet

dudududu: my chat my rules

pls let me sleep: that is incorrect dream

dudududu: :(

pls let me sleep: you know that doesn’t work on me

dudududu: damn

death to orphans: besides i automatically get dibs because he owes me one for helping with his english project

who are you people: i am so confused  
what’s happening here?

nook: don’t worry about it

who are you people: surprisingly that actually makes me more worried  
what a shocker

swear and i murk you: they’re arguing over mentorship privilages

who are you people: wh  
what now privilages

swear and i murk you: it’ll make sense eventually

who are you people: that is even less comforting than telling me not to worry about it

future landlord: after some furious dms it has been concluded that the week grace period remains

death to orphans: this is why i’m an anarchist

dudududu: ranboo you have a week to pick who is better out of the three of us  
be ready

_dudududu has left the chat_

who are you people: i feel dread

foxy: good

pls let me sleep: it means your self-preservation instincts are working

who are you people: you are all very stressful

future landlord: we get that a lot

sovereign: you should see what it’s like when tommy, tubbo, and schlatt are all on at the same time

who are you people: and on that cheery note i’m going to go get ready for school

_who are you people left the chat_

death to orphans: skittish kid huh


	5. when "two truths and a lie" becomes very stressful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who are you people: i am afraid of you people
> 
> death to orphans: duly noted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _you'll never leave :)_  
>  death to orphans - techno  
> man me a sand - wilbur  
> POGCHAMP - tommy  
> bees tho - tubbo  
> dudududu - dream  
> pls let me sleep - george  
> arsonist - sapnap  
> future landlord - schlatt  
> cupcake w knife - niki  
> abandoned timeline - karl  
> who are you people - ranboo  
> swear and i murk you - bad  
> heck - skeppy  
> nook - sam  
> sovereign - eret

_Wednesday 16:47 - you’ll never leave :)_

POGCHAMP: as most everyone is online  
except bad and skeppy but we all know they’re busy

bees tho: and niki because she’s at work

dudududu: and george and sap aren’t here

POGCHAMP: yes thank you tubbo

dudududu: ignoring me?  
i see how it is

POGHCAMP: anyway tubbo and i have decided that it is time to get to know ranboo better

who are you people: tommy please no  
if you actually consider yourself my friend don’t do this

man me a sand: sorry but that’ll only encourage the gremlin

POGCHAMP: WE’RE ALL GOING TO PLAY TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE

foxy: it’s not like this ended horribly the last time we played not at all

abandoned timeline: we don’t speak of the The Chair Incident fundy

who are you people: the  
the what incident  
what  
a chair??

abandoned timeline: we don’t speak of the The Chair Incident ranboo

who are you people: okay then  
uh  
can i opt out

dudududu: no

who are you people: what if i say please

nook: sorry ranboo  
they’ll drag you into something worse later otherwise  
honestly two truths and a lie is pretty tame in comparison to when they got us all together for truth or dare

abandoned timeline: this is the lesser of two evils

who are you people: Fear  
okay so  
how does one play

death to orphans: it’s the name  
two truths and a lie

who are you people: ah yes, so descriptive, mhm  
i know exactly what that means now

foxy: you just sassed technoblade yknow

who are you people: .  
you know what  
at this point this might as well happen  
i’m suffering already tommy let’s just start this so i can die of embarrassment

POGCHAMP: YEAH LET’S GO  
SO THE GAME GOES LIKE THIS  
ON YOUR TURN, YOU LIST THREE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF  
TWO ARE TRUE AND ONE IS A LIE  
EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO GUESS THE LIE  
TUBBO YOU GO FIRST AND SHOW HIM HOW IT’S DONE

bees tho: way to put me on the spot big man  
uh  
i’m naturally blond, i like bees, and i’ve burnt down a house once

future landlord: tubbo kid you gotta make that a bit harder for us bud

POGCHAMP: tubbo i’ve SEEN your brown roots

future landlord: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU BURN DOWN A HOUSE

bees tho: i was a different man then, schlatt

future landlord: this does not answer my question

bees tho: moving on  
tommy you guessed right you get to pick next person

POGCHAMP: POG

who are you people: mercy

POGCHAMP: as i am such a wonderful and kind friend i will give ranboo one more round of freedom  
and instead will choose eret because i have not forgiven you for betraying us and stealing our land

sovereign: it’s literally a picnic table at a public park tommy

POGCHAMP: IRRELEVANT STILL STOLEN PROPERTY

dududud: stolen by you maybe

POGCHAMP: WATCH YOUR MOUTH GREEN BOY

bees tho: tommy eret still needs to play

sovereign: i’m 6’3”, i run the local mafia, and i’ve killed a man

foxy: please tell me you mixed up the number and two of those are lies

death to orphans: if you run the local mafia you wouldn’t stoop so low as to get your own hands dirty  
killing a man was the lie

who are you people: i am afraid of you people

death to orphans: duly noted

sovereign: as techno was correct it seems it’s his turn to pick a person

death to orphans: ranboo

who are you people: please spare me :(

death to orphans: .  
fine  
you live for now  
dream

dudududu: i have climbed every building in this city, outran every cop, and fought over thirty people in one night

death to orphans: that was quick

foxy: did you have that ready to send or

dudududu: is anyone even going to guess

who are you people: whatever the lie is you are still terrifying

dudududu: thank you  
are you going to guess?

who are you people: uh  
the first one?

dudududu: first try  
guys this is boring no one is guessing wrong

who are you people: sorry?

dudududu: to make it up to me you can climb the buildings i haven’t climbed yet with me

future landlord: don’t be a cheater dream  
you can’t win him over by keeping him away from the rest of us

dududud: i don’t cheat, i have skill

death to orphans: is that what they’re calling it now

POGCHAMP: RANBOO YOUR TURN PICK A PERSON

who are you people: oh goodness  
um  
sam

nook: let’s see  
i have a dog, i dyed my hair exclusively green in high school, and i was a prison warden 

man me a sand: what

sovereign: well that escalated quickly

dudududu: you only started dying your hair green like three months before grad

man me a sand: WHAT

foxy: are you even old enough to have been a prison warden???

who are you people: the longer this game goes on the more terrified i become

abandoned timeline: i would say they get better but then i’d be lying

dudududu: why are you so mean to us karl :(

foxy: he’s not being mean he’s just right

who are you people: this is not comforting

POGCHAMP: L

who are you people: thank you tommy

dudududu: i’m going to go with techno next

death to orphans: i have a criminal record, i haven’t lost a championship, and i’ve beaten dream in a fight

who are you people: dream didn’t immediately call you out on the last one so i’m going to guess you don’t have a criminal record

dudududu: what if i just wanted someone else to stick up for me

who are you people: you don’t really strike me as that kind of person

foxy: he’s got you there

death to orphans: you are correct ranboo

sovereign: but you have committed several crimes??

future landlord: can’t have a criminal record if you’ve never been caught

death to orphans: exactly

who are you people: i don’t want to be here anymore

bees tho: pick a person ranboo

who are you people: oh uh  
whoever future landlord is

future landlord: my name is schlatt and in the future we will be great business partners  
but neither of those are my three statements

who are you people: i feel threatened

man me a sand: that’s because it is a threat

future landlord: rude

man me a sand: play your turn

future landlord: fine virgo  
i’ve worked as a police consultant, i run an independent business, and i don’t regret that one time i almost drowned wilbur

man me a sand: i want the third one to be a lie but i know that it’s the first one

future landlord: of course it’s the first one i’d never work with the police

who are you people: did you almost drown him on purpose???

future landlord: no but it was funny

who are you people: this chat is going to give me a heart attack

man me a sand: then you’d be glad to know i’m picking you next

who are you people: i am the opposite of glad to hear that actually

POGCHAMP: COME ON RANBOO LET’S GO FINALLY

who are you people: okay okay  
um  
i’m allergic to water, the longest i’ve ever stayed in one place is seven months, and i’m 6’6”

foxy: you’re what

who are you people: i’m not allowed to tell you  
you have to guess

foxy: sassy much?

dudududu: you’re right, techno, he does grow on you

bees tho: surely you’ve stayed somewhere longer than seven months

who are you people: nope

POGCHAMP: you can’t be 6’6” i refuse to have you be taller than me

who are you people: i am 

sovereign: so you aren’t allergic to water

who are you people: oh no i definitely am  
it’s called aquagenic urticaria  
if water touches my skin i break out in hives

bees tho: it’s called what now

foxy: wait wait wait  
which is the lie then

who are you people: the second one

man me a sand: but you just told tubbo you haven’t stayed somewhere longer than seven months?

who are you people: that is true i did say that

nook: ranboo  
are you saying it was shorter than seven months

who are you people: yeah  
anywho your turn to pick next

man me a sand: you’re right techno he does just avoid things

who are you people: i have no idea what you’re talking about

bees tho: ranboo i think this isn’t the kind of thing you just brush off

who are you people: would you look at the time dinner should be ready soon and i want to eat tonight so i have to go bye!

_who are you people has left the chat_

POGCHAMP: TUBBO

foxy: aw, i didn’t get a turn :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you saturn for the water allergy idea ^-^ that’s going to be real fun later :)


	6. don’t meet your heroes they’ll throw you onto the roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> memory boy: this project is due monday and we haven’t started yet
> 
> A MAN: L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what better gift for valentines than angst? :)
> 
> also lol these chapters seem to be getting longer. just think, chapter 15 will be like, upwards 5000 words of chat just to fit all that plot...
> 
>  _you'll never leave :)_  
>  death to orphans - techno  
> man me a sand - wilbur  
> POGCHAMP - tommy  
> bees tho - tubbo  
> dudududu - dream  
> pls let me sleep - george  
> arsonist - sapnap  
> future landlord - schlatt  
> cupcake w knife - niki  
> abandoned timeline - karl  
> who are you people - ranboo  
> swear and i murk you - bad  
> heck - skeppy  
> nook - sam  
> sovereign - eret
> 
> _YO WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS _  
> A MAN - tommy  
>  THE BLADE - techno  
> Big Crime - tubbo  
> memory boy - ranboo__

_Thursday 04:02 - YO WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

memory boy: this project is due monday and we haven’t started yet

A MAN: L

Big Crime: tommy this is for your grade too yknow  
also why are you both awake at four in the morning

A MAN: i didn’t turn off my notifs last night  
AND THEN THIS MAN WOKE ME UP

memory boy: didn’t sleep

Big Crime: what

memory boy: you saw right

A MAN: I’M GOING TO TATTLE TO THE GROUP CHAT

memory boy: TOMMY NO  
THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW ME

_Thursday 04:05 - you’ll never leave_

POGCHAMP: ranboo hasn’t gone to sleep yet tonight

who are you people: TOMMY

man me a sand: lol same

POGCHAMP: you are unhelpful wilbur soot

man me a sand: what, were you expecting a functioning adult to be awake right now?

_POGCHAMP has left the chat_

man me a sand: lol  
but what are you doing up ranboo

who are you people: just vibin  
i’m so chill right now there is absolutely no reason to worry at all

man me a sand: that would have been more convincing without the second message 

_who are you people has deleted one message_

man me a sand: it doesn’t work like that  
i already saw it

who are you people: shhhh no you didn’t

man me a sand: ranboo  
how long have you been awake

who are you people: define “awake”

man me a sand: what do you mean define awake  
there is one definition ranboo

_death to orphans has entered the chat_

death to orphans: ranboo

who are you people: yes mr blade

death to orphans: go to bed ranboo

who are you people: it won’t do any good but okay mr blade

_who are you people has left the chat_

man me a sand: why are you like the only person he listens to

death to orphans: he is the only person in this chat who respects me  
it also helps that i probably terrify him

man me a sand: you have a point there

death to orphans: i always have a point  
at the end of my sword

man me a sand: you are such a dork  
how in the world could that kid be afraid of you

death to orphans: idk man maybe the whole blood god thing  
the killing orphans shtick  
my reputation as undefeated fencing champion  
it could be any number of things

man me a sand: i mean yes but you’re also a nerd

death to orphans: what’s your point  
and think carefully about your answer

man me a sand: no point brain empty

death to orphans: that’s what i thought

_who are you people has entered the chat_

who are you people: i’m so sorry mr blade  
but tommy and tubbo have been bugging me to ask you about a study group  
not that you have to  
i don’t know why they asked me to ask anyway we don’t even know each other  
but yeah they wanted to meet up to talk about theseus? for the project?  
uh  
yeah  
i’ll shut up now

death to orphans: i can’t believe i’m saying this but  
tommy was right  
you do type quickly when panicked

who are you people: haha yeah

death to orphans: tell tommy to add me to your project gc again and i’ll negotiate with him

who are you people: oh yes one moment

_Thursday 04:26 - YO WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

memory boy: techno says to add him here again to negotiate

_A MAN has entered the chat_

A MAN: NOOO I MISSED THE FUNNY NUMBER  
but yes of course big man gotta get them grades

_A MAN has added THE BLADE to the chat_

THE BLADE: when is your project due

A MAN: monday

THE BLADE: why would you wait this long

A MAN: too lazy

Big Crime: he’s right can’t be mad

memory boy: can definitely be mad we should have started days ago

THE BLADE: at least one of you has sense  
what’s in it for me if i help

Big Crime: we will give you ranboo as tribute

memory boy: we  
we what

A MAN: good idea tubbo we just need the grade first

memory boy: guys???

THE BLADE: do you see this, ranboo?  
all men do is betray, eat hot chip, and lie

memory boy: i am being used only for this grade apparently  
i better at least be worth a good mark

A MAN: so what do you say, blade? deal?

THE BLADE: meet at my apartment at a reasonable hour today and i’ll help

A MAN: YES

Big Crime: VICTORY

memory boy: wait am i still part of the trade

_A MAN has left the chat_

_Big Crime has left the chat_

memory boy: hey!

THE BLADE: gremlin children, the both of them

memory boy: i can definitely agree with that statement

THE BLADE: now that that’s settled  
go to bed

memory boy: yes mr blade

_memory boy has left the chat_

_Thursday 08:11 - you’ll never leave :)_

nook: what happened last night

man me a sand: gremlins

nook: that explains nothing

who are you people: absolutely nothing mr sam don’t worry about it

nook: shouldn’t you be getting to school right now

who are you people: oh i’ve been here for the past half hour already 

man me a sand: don’t you go to school with tommy and tubbo?

who are you people: yep

man me a sand: and your classes start at nine

who are you people: yep

man me a sand: why are you there so earyl???

who are you people: ah yes  
earyl

man me a sand: shut  
answer the question

who are you people: it was either a ride then or walking then to get here on time  
and so here i am

nook: how far from the school do you live?

who are you people: 45 minutes ish drive

man me a sand: wild

who are you people: fingers crossed my next placement is closer and still in the same district

nook: placement?

who are you people: hello, foster kid here

nook: you’re hoping for a new one?

who are you people: oh no i’m already getting a new placement  
my social worker is picking me up tomorrow  
i just hope i’ll be close close enough that i’ll still be here to hand that project in  
at least we’re working on the project tonight so tommy and tubbo won’t be saddled with too much of my extra work

man me a sand: you’ve only been at their school a week?  
if that???

who are you people: remember in two truths and a lie  
when i said seven months  
that was an incredible record  
anyway i have a socials essay to revise i’ll talk to you later

_who are you people has left the chat_

man me a sand: and he ducks again

nook: maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to talk about it?

man me a sand: that could be it  
damn my class is starting soon  
see you later sam

nook: bye wil

_man me a sand has left the chat_

_nook has left the chat_

_Thursday 16:32 - YO WHO THE HELL IS THESEUS_

A MAN: RANBOO WHERE ARE YOU

memory boy: i’m coming jeez  
i’ll be there in ten

Big Crime: techno just got here and threatened to leave if you aren’t going to come

A MAN: because he’s a coward

memory boy: isn’t he still in this chat?

THE BLADE: I am.

A MAN: ha ha blade fancy seeing you here

THE BLADE: you added me to this chat yourself  
but by all means keep up the smack talk and i’ll just walk out that door and leave you to your own devices

A MAN: NO I’M SORRY PLEASE HELP I DON’T KNOW MYTHOLOGY

THE BLADE: suffer

memory boy: i’m just outside please don’t be killing anyone when i walk in i’ll get in so much trouble

Big Crime: nah they’re fine  
techno’s just got tommy in a headlock we’re all good

memory boy: that is not comforting

THE BLADE: get inside ranboo

memory boy: yes mr blade

_memory boy has left the chat_

_Thursday 17:01 - you’ll never leave :)_

POGCHAMP: TECHNO HAS THROWN RANBOO ONTO THE ROOF  
I REPEAT, TECHNO HAS THROWN RANBOO ONTO THE ROOF

bees tho: impressive air time tho gotta say

dudududu: it was going to happen at some point

cupcake w knife: is ranboo okay??

bees tho: he’s laughing but it’s kinda manic so it’s anybody’s guess

death to orphans: he’s fine

nook: for some reason i don’t trust your judgement

man me a sand: is it like funny laughing or crying laughing or

who are you people: tommy just threw my phone to me and almost broke it  
why is my life so crazy  
i just wanted to do my homework  
mr blade why

death to orphans: you just look so tossable

POGCHAMP: to answer your question wil it’s crying laughing

who are you people: my life makes no sense  
technoblade himself has just tossed me up onto a roof because he could  
and my only friends are just watching me have a breakdown  
tommy is that popcorn??

POGCHAMP: yes why

Big Crime: ranboo has dropped his phone and now has his head in his hands

cupcake w knife: someone help him down!

nook: yeah i feel like this isn’t as funny as it could have been

death to orphans: i think it’s pretty funny

man me a sand: you would

death to orphans: what’s that supposed to mean wilbur

man me a sand: you tell me

who are you people: can i please come down?

POGCHAMP: nah you already did your part of the assignment

bees tho: just stargaze or something

nook: ranboo sit tight  
niki and i are coming and i have a ladder

who are you people: thank you mr sam, ms niki

cupcake w knife: you can just call me niki ranboo

who are you people: i don’t think you understand how much i actually can’t do that ms niki

bees tho: hey ranboo why does your arm look like that  
all purple and puffy

who are you people: um  
it may or may not be broken but only slightly

POGCHAMP: how can an arm be slightly broken???

death to orphans: sam maybe hurry it up with that ladder

cupcake w knife: sam says to not talk to him he’s driving

who are you people: it’s not really that big of a deal guys!  
i’ve had worse i’ll be fine

death to orphans: how much worse

who are you people: i am getting dangerous vibes from that message  
so no comment

death to orphans: ranboo

who are you people: yes mr blade

death to orphans: we are going to discuss this once you get down here

who are you people: okay mr blade

death to orphans: after we take you to the hospital

who are you people: please don’t! it’s not that broken i’ll be fine!

man me a sand: did you just  
ask to not be taken to the hospital

who are you people: i plead the fifth

death to orphans: this isn’t optional  
now get down here

who are you people: how about

POGCHAMP: ASDFJHLK  
DID HE JUST JUMP ONTO THE NEIGHBOR’S ROOF

bees tho: WHERE’S DREAM WHEN YOU NEED HIM

POGCHAMP: i can’t believe i’m agreeing with you but dream is probably the only person besides techno who could catch up with him

man me a sand: but ranboo’s arm is literally broken????

bees tho: doesn’t look like that’s stopping him

dudududu: give me five and i’ll help track him down

bees tho: to think this started as a study group  
and now my man ranboo’s on the run from both technoblade AND dream

POGCHAMP: with a broken arm  
because he didn’t want to be taken to the hospital

nook: i think we need to actually pin this kid down long enough to talk to him

man me a sand: you’re telling me

dudududu: i would like to inform you that techno just tackled the kid with the broken arm and is basically sitting on him until sam shows up  
sam i would recommend coming to pick us up

nook: every one of you is chaos incarnate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~next chap may or may not have a scene in the hospital with ranboo, but you all have to vote on it i suppose. i can either have it relayed to the concerned members of the chat or i can write the scene itself from ranboo or techno's pov (also up to vote).~~
> 
> EDIT: holy cow that was a lot of you really fast wow. the majority vote is to write out the scene, leaning in favor of a techno pov, so that’s what i’m going to start plotting. and oh boy is that going to be fun :)


	7. time for some ✨trauma exposition✨

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only there was a way for Techno to help him relax… but alas, he traded whatever social competence he could have had for quick reflexes and vicious strength. He doesn’t know how to comfort someone. The kid is shivering, though, and there’s a sweater on the seat next to him that perhaps Sam wouldn’t mind Ranboo borrowing…? The man’s at least six foot himself, it should fit.
> 
> And so Techno scoops up the sweater and throws it at Ranboo’s face before quickly turning to look out the window for their approach to the hospital. There, obviously now everything is fixed and fine and he doesn’t have to panic about a sad child anymore. He threw a sweater at him. Problem solved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever wake up feeling like salt like so absolutely dehydrated that all moisture is just gone and everything tastes bad or is that just my nearly two weeks of very bad sleep deprivation aka less than four hours of sleep a night haha jk unless
> 
> please i just want to sleep until even 5:30 and not wake up feeling like death is that too much to ask
> 
> also fair warning i have no clue how the foster system works or hospitals or like half of what i’m writing in this chater so i’m pulling it all from thin air please don’t yell at me in the comments if i mess it up i cry easily and i’m tired
> 
> and as of writing these notes there are almost 2000 kudos on this fic??? y’all really like chatfics huh

Techno reads the last messages in the chat and snorts. While, yes, he did have to tackle the kid (only because he’s so stupidly _fast_ ) he’s not _sitting_ on him. He’s just… holding him firmly by the ankle and staring him down so he can’t run again before their ride to the hospital gets here.

And Dream, still texting the chat, is being absolutely no help at all. Man shows up just in time to watch Techno bodyslam a child and doesn’t even deign to help with anything in the situation except informing their mother hens of friends about Techno’s less-than-optimal capture techniques.

Then there’s the kid himself, uncannily still and avoiding eye contact like the plague. The skin under his eyes is red and irritated, probably from his tears since he’s allergic to water or something. His arm, swollen and mottled with bruises where his long sleeve has been pushed up, is _definitely_ broken. The problem is that Techno is almost certain it was broken _before_ he jokingly tossed the kid onto the low roof of the front porch’s awning. Bruising like that takes hours to show up, not the handful of minutes it took to catch him.

Whoever hurt this kid…

“Hospital now, murder later,” Sam calls from his rolled-down window as he pulls up. “Get in the back with the kid, Techno. Dream, meet back with Phil, he’s got a job for you.”

Without bothering to ask, he bodily lifts the kid to his feet and ducks under his arm to keep him of off an ankle he’s pretty sure the kid twisted in a bad landing. Ranboo follows, subdued, head ducked and frame stiff under Techno’s guidance. The two of them settle in the back seats, or settle as much as they can when one is an anxious 6’6” mess and the other is a hypervigilant fencing champion very invested in the health of the former. 

If only there was a way for Techno to help him relax… but alas, he traded whatever social competence he could have had for quick reflexes and vicious strength. He doesn’t know how to comfort someone. The kid is shivering, though, and there’s a sweater on the seat next to him that perhaps Sam wouldn’t mind Ranboo borrowing…? The man’s at least six foot himself, it should fit.

And so Techno scoops up the sweater and throws it at Ranboo’s face before quickly turning to look out the window for their approach to the hospital. There, obviously now everything is fixed and fine and he doesn’t have to panic about a sad child anymore. He threw a sweater at him. Problem solved.

The kid makes a small squeaking noise when the piece of clothing hits him, but doesn’t complain, and when Techno risks a glance over the boy has pulled it over his head and is hugging himself rather pathetically, his broken arm still trapped in the main body of the sweater. The reminder that _someone had hurt this kid_ makes the deep anger try to rise in his gut again before he shoves it down. Now’s not the time. He needs to get him help first. How had Sam put it? Hospital now, murder later.

To distract him from premeditating on potential homicide, Techno opens the chat, not bothering to scroll up. 

_Thursday 17:24 - you’ll never leave :)_

_death to orphans has entered the chat._

future landlord: so what i’m hearing is bets in favor of me because i didn’t hunt the kid down

dudududu: no, i just said probably not techno  
guy tackled him the same day they first met in person

death to orphans: remind me who is currently with the kid

adandoned timeline: tbh i think he’s gonna pick sam

sovereign: so we’re adding sam to the betting pool?

future landlord: hey, extra revenue

“Sam,” Techno calls to the front. “Fair warning, you’re being added to the betting pool.”

The man groans. “Why? Ever since I helped Tommy with that one project, everyone thinks I’m a mentor.”

“You pretended to be an Animal Crossing character for that kid,” Techno reminds as he looks back down at his phone. “You can’t deny the instinct.”

_Thursday 17:26 - you’ll never leave :)_

death to orphans: sam doesn’t appreciate it but he still thinks he doesn’t mentally adopt kids as often as phil so it cancels out

abandoned timeline: and you want the chaos

death to orphans: well yes but it’s unseemly to just say that outright

man me a sand: okay but also consider  
philza minecraft himself

“Um…”

Techno glances up at Ranboo, whose broken arm is still trapped in the hoodie. “Yeah?”

The kid bites his lip, turning to look out the window. “Would now be a good time to mention I don’t have health insurance..?”

With a shrug, Techno shuts off his phone and pockets it. “Not a big deal. If it comes down to it, I can foot the bill.”

That only seems to increase the kid’s alarm and he whirls around to face him. “What? Why? You don’t even know me!”

“And? You mentioned changing placements in the chat, it’s not like I’m going to let the bureaucratic paper-pushers of the system delay getting your arm fixed because figuring out who’s in charge of you is too much work.”

If the kid’s eyes get any wider they’re going to fall fight out of his head. His mouth opens, but no words come out, and then Sam is pulling up into the hospital parking lot and the kid’s chance to respond has passed.

The next obstacle they have to face is the waiting room.

As still as Ranboo was in the car, he’s all restless energy now, trying to keep everyone in the room within his range of vision while avoiding any kind of eye contact. Sam goes up to the desk to talk to a nurse and get Ranboo admitted, leaving Techno to basically be used as a human shield as the kid gets closer and closer with each too-near passerby that he flinches away from. The end result is a shaking child pressing into his side, obviously deciding that the danger you know is better than the one you don’t.

At least Techno’s on the opposite side of his broken arm. 

And finally, a nurse arrives to escort Ranboo to another room, basically for more waiting until a doctor arrives. Instead of getting up to leave with her, however, the kid gently grabs the edge of Techno’s sleeve with a pleading, terrified look. So the kid really hates hospitals.

Careful to keep his sigh internal, Techno stands to address the nurse politely. “Would I be able to come with? I’m paying for the medical stuff anyway, and Ranboo hates hospitals.”

When the nurse looks to the kid for confirmation, he nods his head vigerously and steps just a tiny bit closer to Techno. The man’s heart is not warmed at all at the little show of trust, not even a bit.

But the nurse’s face is all soft, with a little smile, so maybe at least one person’s heart is warmed.

Sam briefly pulls him aside to say goodbye and assures him he’ll send someone over with some kind of take-out for dinner, and he volunteers to be the one to talk to Ranboo’s foster system people, which Techno is grateful for. He doesn’t know how much he would be able to restrain himself if the got the urge to punch one of the people who might be responsible for Ranboo’s injury in the face. 

No, he does know. He just wouldn’t. Whoever hurt this kid _deserves_ it.

* * *

The hospital room is the most private setting they’ve been in since they’ve met, and Techno thinks it’s the only chance he’s going to get to ask the question. So.

“Kid,” he says, and the boy sitting on the edge of the bed flinches at being addressed. “I want to ask you something before the doctor gets here.”

Ranboo hums in acknowledgement, and Techno takes that as permission to continue. 

He looks at the kid, but fixes his eyes on his shoulder to alleviate whatever anxiety he can before he asks what he knows will be a stressful question. “Now, I know your arm was broken before I… threw you.” The kid flinches again, but doesn’t disagree. “What I want to know is, who broke it?”

“I did,” he answers. _Immediately._ And Techno thinks, _oh, that’s not good, that’s a prepared answer._ “I fell down the stairs and caught myself wrong.” _Oh boy, textbook excuse._ “I’m just clumsy I guess.” _Please stop, it’s just getting worse._ “But I’ll be fine, it’s not that bad. I’ve had worse.” _And there it is._

Techno pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m just… going to leave the ‘I’ve had worse’ part for now, but kid, I think you need to learn how to lie better if that’s what you’re going to tell the doctor.”

And the kid _crumples_ at that, curling on on himself as the minute shaking that’s haunted him since being caught becomes more pronounced. With an air of desperation, he looks pleadingly up at Techno. “Could you tell the doctor for me, then? I can’t— I’m not getting picked up by my social worker until tomorrow, and I’ll get in so much trouble…”

“Kid,” Techno interrupts, that rage twisting in on itself along with something he refuses to acknowledge as the fear of having his suspicions confirmed. “Was it your current fosters? Do they hurt you?”

The following silence is more telling than any kind of admission or denial. 

And then the doctor comes in, and Techno doesn’t get the chance to hear which his answer would be.

* * *

_Thursday 18:57 - you’ll never leave :)_

_death to orphans entered the chat_

man me a sand: and that is why anteaters are the antithesis of anything good and will always be horrible and evil

arsonist: wilbur i mean this in the nicest way but what the hell are you talking about

nook: techno! how’s the kid?

man me a sand: it’s simple, sapnap, anteaters are horrible abominations who don’t deserve the air they breathe  
and yes techno how’s ranboo?

death to orphans: well i got kicked out of the hospital room for the exam but uh  
talked to the kid a bit

nook: and?

death to orphans: i maybe slightly want to take a page out of phil’s book and adopt a child

arsonist: gasp  
the great and mighty technoblade has a heart?

man me a sand: technosoft

death to orphans: aight and i’m out

_death to orphans left the chat_

_Thursday 19:06 - technoblade >>> ranboo_

technoblade: i know you’re not going to see this yet because your social worker picked you up and stuff’s probably happening  
but i’m really glad she came to get you early  
and if you ever need anything like a ride, a place to crash, a hot meal  
i’ll help, no strings attached  
except don’t tell anyone i said any of this or it’ll ruin my reputation  
but seriously kid, i don’t want you to end up hiding a broken arm again or in any situation remotely similar  
even if it means teaching you to fight so you can protect yourself  
just don’t think you have to take any of this on your own

_Friday 01:22 - ranboo >>> technoblade_

ranboo: i’ll keep that in mind  
but you really shouldn’t waste your time worrying about me i'm not worth that

_ranboo deleted one message_

ranboo: really, thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in case you didn’t notice, this chapter got away from me. this is twice the length of the longest of the other chapters, this why i was trying a chatfic smh… /hj
> 
> for those of you who wanted something more like a heart-to-heart in person: this is technoblade and ranboo. after the first time they met in person. a celebrity and a fan, a man and the new friend of his best friend’s kid, an antisocial fencing champion and a kid who personifies anxiety. i’m impressed that they said as much as they did here, tbh.
> 
> also i’m going to finish off _i’m sorry for being what i am_ before i update anything else in this series because leaving it hanging is like an itch so look forward to that!


End file.
